by Sears » Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:37 am
It can be very useful to have thick skin, but objectively, this type of behavior is indeed abusive. It is good to instill discipline in your kids, to educate and socialize them properly. Many different parents from different cultures and socio-economic backgrounds will disagree on what methods are considered abusive and which are not, but this most often correlates with how they were nurtured themselves, as abusive behaviors are like curses, they are very easily passed down generation to generation.
If your father punished you in the same way as AP did his son or worse, then objectively, you were subjected to abusive behavior. This doesn't mean your father is a bad person, or even that the abuse was harmful to you, as it sounds like you weren't a very sensitive child and this behavior didn't have a great impact on you. But, it is incorrect to be judgemental enough to assume that a child who might be affected deeply by such behavior to be "soft". With such a mindset, it is likely that this behavior has had more of an impact on you than you might realize.
I've worked with Big Brothers Big Sisters for many years, and I can tell you I've come across some really fucked up kids that were suffering greatly from such abusive behaviors in their past. I would never describe any of them as "soft", quite the opposite.
Human beings are incredibly varied creatures. As AP has stated, he himself received this kind of abusive punishment from his father, and it did nothing but thicken his skin and help him to achieve his aspirations. And so he was conditioned to do onto his own what was done on to him, and to accept this as "normal" behavior.
But, APs son doesn't have a voice here. He's not represented, and he's only half AP. What if he is much more sensitive than AP was? what if his autobiographical memory is more advanced than APs was when he was subjected to such behavior?? What if his son will remember this behavior for the rest of his life as being traumatic and horrifying and not something that helped him to become tougher and more successful?
As a society and as a culture we must step in to protect APs son from what AP himself is not aware of. AP isn't a bad guy, and from what I understand he's been fully cooperative and honest about what happened. He shouldn't have to go to jail and we shouldn't demonize him, but we should take great care to educate him, and in the process, the rest of us, that this type of behavior is mindless and potentially damaging to any child.
It can be very useful to have thick skin, but objectively, this type of behavior is indeed abusive. It is good to instill discipline in your kids, to educate and socialize them properly. Many different parents from different cultures and socio-economic backgrounds will disagree on what methods are considered abusive and which are not, but this most often correlates with how they were nurtured themselves, as abusive behaviors are like curses, they are very easily passed down generation to generation.
If your father punished you in the same way as AP did his son or worse, then objectively, you were subjected to abusive behavior. This doesn't mean your father is a bad person, or even that the abuse was harmful to you, as it sounds like you weren't a very sensitive child and this behavior didn't have a great impact on you. But, it is incorrect to be judgemental enough to assume that a child who might be affected deeply by such behavior to be "soft". With such a mindset, it is likely that this behavior has had more of an impact on you than you might realize.
I've worked with Big Brothers Big Sisters for many years, and I can tell you I've come across some really fucked up kids that were suffering greatly from such abusive behaviors in their past. I would never describe any of them as "soft", quite the opposite.
Human beings are incredibly varied creatures. As AP has stated, he himself received this kind of abusive punishment from his father, and it did nothing but thicken his skin and help him to achieve his aspirations. And so he was conditioned to do onto his own what was done on to him, and to accept this as "normal" behavior.
But, APs son doesn't have a voice here. He's not represented, and he's only half AP. What if he is much more sensitive than AP was? what if his autobiographical memory is more advanced than APs was when he was subjected to such behavior?? What if his son will remember this behavior for the rest of his life as being traumatic and horrifying and not something that helped him to become tougher and more successful?
As a society and as a culture we must step in to protect APs son from what AP himself is not aware of. AP isn't a bad guy, and from what I understand he's been fully cooperative and honest about what happened. He shouldn't have to go to jail and we shouldn't demonize him, but we should take great care to educate him, and in the process, the rest of us, that this type of behavior is mindless and potentially damaging to any child.