It is with deep regret that I must inform you I was unable to defend my sister's honor this past weekend. Due to a bet involving myself, my friend, and a mechanical bull there was a make out session involving my said friend and sister. If it makes you feel any better this travesty of epic proportions will be forever burned into my brain. I am sorry for your loss.
PS: Taking an elbow to the back of the head will give you a nice concussion. Also, Rumplemintz is the devil...
Dear Brett Arkin
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